GenEsiS’s ThOugHTs

Had the most variety of drinks today! Watermelon juice, papaya juice, honeydew juice, coffee bean’s ice mocha, vanilla coke, hennikin and yakult! Not to forget the inevitable ‘sky juice’ ya…ha… actually im rather amazed drinkin so many diff. types of drinks in a day….never before huh..hee..

oh ya! tasted a feast of different food too!!! prawn mee, char siew rice, bitter gourd soup, banana fritter, tapioca fritter, mud cake, toufu, chicken n egg salad, curry chicken, spicy crab, magosteen, durian, sesame ice cream!!!! Act its jus a bite of each but nevertheless, I tasted them all!!!ha~

Still feelin nauseous n uncomfortable in my stomach…argh! Nope, not wat u are thinking hor… its cos watched 10 tapes!!!of my mission trip to

Philippines

with my churchmates n all the forwarding (else its gonna take more than 10 hrs to view everything!…in the end, we took ard 4hrs to view the tapes… ) made me really really feel like puking!… guess tis is sth along e line of sea sickness ya, though I dun experience such out at sea…felt the same way when tj showed some student exchange program thingy in the audi n e whole video clip was taken so ‘unstabily!’ by students, my stomach was doin cartwheel as I watched…  zheng de heng bu shu fu then n now too L   wats e remedy, anyone? (dun give me e ans avoid such videos ya… I will appreciate tt..ha..)

Dearest sis bought me a white gold anklet J She’s the BeSt sis ever to me *straight frm the heart…*

Pride has many faces.

Stubborness is the pride tt causes us to shun correction. It renders us unable to to stop defendin ourselves.

Judgmentalism is the pride tt moves us to critize rather than to serve.

Competitiveness is the pride tt makes us not only want to be just smart and wealthy, but smarter and wealthier than those around us.

Self-centeredness is the pride tt keeps us living in a tiny universe where there is only room for one person.

It is often pride tt keeps us from acceptin our limitations and weaknesses.

Some time ago, I had a run of too much travel, to many meetings, too many talks, and I was fatigued. I expressed this to a friend, lookin for some sympathy. He surprised me by askin why I choose to live like this. the onli honest ans was tt, more than anything else, I was runnin on grandiosity (grandiose- plans tt sound v imprt/impressive but will never realli happen becos they are not practical.) I was afraid that if I declined opportunities, they wld stop comin, and if opportunities stopped comin, I wld be less impt, and if I were less impt, tt wld be terrible. I didn’t wan to admit my limitations. I didnt wan to admit my need for rest.

At the deepest level, pride is the choice to exclude both God and ther people from their rightful places in our heart. Jesus said tt the essence of spiritual life is to love God and to love people. Pride destroys our capacity to love. It leads us to exclude rather than embrace.

Heres some of the actions/attitudes with act. interestin possible hidden prides. Take

UR

I’m a person of conviction n principle– I noe I’m right. I hate it when people challenge or correct me.

I see very clearly where those ard me need impronement– Others are never good enough for me; it’s easier to criticize than to serve.

I’m competitive– I’m not happy if I’m not better than others.

I choose carefully who I spend time with– I don’t like to be ard ppl who are difficult, draining, or diff from me.

I’m often overscheduled and have a hard time sayin no– I like to be seen as a person who can ‘do it all’.

I’m independent by nature– I can’t depend on anyone; I don’t need others.

                                              - reading adapted from a msg by John Ortberg

Yawn~~…okok i faked tt, not really tired la, not after 8 hrs of slp..haha…

was separated from mr zhou (as in zhou1 gong1 la!hee..) by a call from gongshang pri- relief teachin… didnt noe what i was really thinkin (mb my mind was still with mr zhou??or mb considerin whether i shld ans anot?? hmm, mus be both la..gee..) but i jus stoned and stared at my hp in my hands as it rang…ha, yaya.. ended up with ‘1 missed call’ when i was abt the ans it… then my house phone rang, was sort of jolted up n believed tt tis call was from gongshang too. didnt wana miss my 2nd chance so ran out of my rm hurriedly to pick up the receiver but u see, my dad was charging this new cordless phone n we were testin it out las nite n it was workin rather crankily so i was (dunno why???) hesitant to pick it up to ans the call n ya!i missed the call again! haha…but cant really blame me cos for both times, there was only 4 ringings n it jus ended (hello, wat if ppl is in the washrm? runnin out also takes at least 5 steps?haha…depends to the area of ur hse n where ur phone is placed ya?ha..) i believe tt my mind was not really thinkin clearly after jus wakin up n topped it with my blurness, basically everything so chaotic huh…ha…

tried callin back twice but it was engaged… then the third time the line went thru but was told to call back in 10mins time as i think the lady was out or wat… laid on my bad n watch the clock tickin by n admire chichi boy (haha. he was slpin by my bedside in his cage..well well, as usu, he always wakes up before me. wana guess y?nono..nt becos im a big sleepyhead but becos he understood wat ‘Zao Qi De Niao Er You Chong Chi’ means!!! *black crow flyin past*)..,

went to wash-up n sth tt i read las nite just struck me- "Pride", it was this sentence tt went "I(author) was afraid that if I declined opportunities, they wld stop comin, and if oportunities stopped comin, I would be less impt n…" subconsciously, was i thinking of this??? after some tot, i guess it was a ‘no’… i was act. in fact greedy for…hey!u mus be thinkin of $$$ right, dun deny!haha… no la, act wat I wanted was the experience of relief teaching a class of 30+ kids ya…jus wana try out sth new… … to cut the story short (hey u! stop yawning as you read!haha!), gongshang didnt need someone to relief teach after all huh…

rem i talked abt the pride thingy i was readin abt? wanna share it with YOU! in the next post. dun wana continue from here else its gonna end up to be a super duber long entry..so wordy n tt can b… …irksome!..haha….. (oh man! i hate it in the morn when my nose is so itcy or when im packin dusty stuff, its e exterior for your info, n i hav 2 keep scratchin it but the ittch doesnt go n i end up w e nose tts sufferin frm flu after so much scratchin n rubbing…!partly due to morn sinus too la… ArgH!).im ok.

this is written for this very special friend. He is troubled and i mean really troubled…he said he’s fine n stayin optismistic … but no doubt it’s gonna be tough……

he’s a great pal and i really appreciate him as my tt special friend… when he shared with me wats wrong, jus felt this sadness tt came over me… i could not understand why such a thing should happen but i have been keepin him in prayer. i noe tt God is hearin n that He has His perfect plan. i will trust Him with this, regardless what the outcome may be; God has been faithful all along… …:)

Friend, jus wana comfort you dun be worry ya… dun worry i will worry for you (still rem i told tt i dun like the feelin of someone worryin for me, when you asked me am i worried abt x x x las year?)… so same thing, wont let you worry tt im worrying for you… :>

If you ever read this, wan u to take out e card tt i bought for you at Bacolad City.. i meant those words, my special friend.

m speechless… feel so guilty towards chichi boy…have not been paying attention to him …

he has been pluckin his own feathers…ya, its ‘neurosis’. it was confirmed when sis pointed to me the part slightly above his feet- barely any feathers left. how could i have been so careless to notice that?

he’s standin on my shoulder now… as usual, always being such a dear, standing there so ever obediently, won’t distub me, jus observin wat i m doin, ruffles his feathers,stares at me, gives a lively high-pitched ‘chichi’ when i stare at him, and sometimes jus catch a wink (cos he trusts me tt he will be absolutely safe here, right here on my shoulders…), but how cld i forget him? i must have been too busy and have taken his life for granted… that small breath within him… 

he has grown skinnier, much much thinnner than ‘crystal and happy’… jus dreamt of him yest n he was so light in my hands, so fragile… i feared that he might jus die, jus like how ‘lemon’ died… i dun wan to experience that remorse, the guilt-stricken emotions again, its HOrrible! not for chichi for sure, i noe…

he’s smart and i mean really smart ya; stickin out his mini left feet when i extend my hand to him for a ‘hand-to-feet’shake, poo-poo on tissue when i asked him to like every 10 mins (esp when he’s standin on my shoulders or before bring him out of the cage). The best thing ever is regardless what, he will never bite me (most lovebirds r so fierce that their bites often result in bleedin)and always comforts me with his lovable innocent look…

ive make up my mind… i will nurse chichi back to itself… where he feels ‘jie jie really loves Baobei’…

Ha… my first… knew im too bored right now thats y i came here…well, this maybe my first and last..haha… we’ll see..

this font colour is act the same shade of pink as the top im wearin now…so guess i m feelin a sense of identification to the words im typing now unconsciously?ha…maybe….afterall this is all so remote to me ya… perhaps coming here more often helps build the bond and…. hey!did i just mention im dropping by again!? haha… i believe i will… … if i have e time huh… afterall, sch’s starting and i believe im gonna be crushed once again.  hmm… thats the other reason y i created this book now cause i dun think i will spend the time to do such, not with biomedical sci and TCM notes before me ya…

haha…suddenly tot of this guy whom i noe n just feel like giving him some space here, "hi, ______. Take ur seat." …okok..i’ll stop all crappin..hee… find that hes a nice, sweet, caring, very witty guy. like him quite a lot huh, but dun think so now and … tts good!haha…at least not bothered by constant tots of him such matters and the fact that he’s single but unavailable….hmm, hav been ‘obedient’ to keep the dist between us ya and most imptly! is to maintain a ClEAR Mind tt we are but just frenzs huh…well well… im doin fine myself, readin up books, playing my guitar, trying to put more effort in masterin playing the drum, packing my stuff and spending more time with God and His Unfailing lOve…really hope i can make the best use of these remaining 15 days…

yaya..i learned to cook fried rice, pancake( the kind tt u just add water will do but i tell you its NOT easy!some skills are still required to make one tat looks n tastes like a yummy pancake k..haha) and still learning how to cook the dessert that consist of white fungus, ginko nuts, lian zhi etc… wish me success huh..ha!

want to give credit to my drum teacher cum churchmate here, Chee Kin!ops..forgot whats his surname…haha…will ask him next week…hee..hes so nice noe..teach me how to play the drum so patiently, despite ive been a not really hardworking ya… but i promise i will buck up n become a good drummer and give glory to God! definitely to do C.K proud too la…. u hear that Chee Kin? hee…i dun think he will noe abt this cos i think he dun even use Friendster,mb someone will tell him one day? .. haha… really really tHanks a lot to you k!

hmm…pouring heavily now… haha, wonder who told me that raining implies that the heaven is crying huh? rather silly hor… but this downpour jus reminded me of my grdma… from the day she passed away till the day she’s cremated, it was pouring as heavily as it is now, but not the days after… but i dun it’s heaven crying ya, somehow the rain complements the mood then??? anyway…im glad dear grdma is with the Lord… but i do miss her, esp knowing how proud she wld be to noe tt her granddaughter is going to university… …